As indicated many, many times before, on this blog and beyond, I am an incredibly emotional person. Anyone who has spent a significant amount of time with me knows that this is true, for better or worse, and I won't ever deny it - I laugh a lot, I cry easily, I can be up or down depending on the day (or the moment). I get really excited by life and can be blissfully happy at times, but also visit the other side of the spectrum regularly.* I have a lot of fears and serious anxieties; I live hard, and love hard. I'm an ambitious, ardent personality, and far more sensitive than is reasonable. But hell, I'm a writer - and this is what we do, right?
*For those about to diagnose my mental state: Thanks, but it's been done, by professionals and meddlesome acquaintances alike, and I'm fine. Nothing to see here!
I'm not sure which came first - the writing or the dysfunction - but in all honestly, I believe they were both present at birth. I'm a writer, I'm a mess; it's the core of who I am. And as strange as it may seem, I wouldn't necessary change any part of it. Stripped of my neuroses, I don't know who I would be, or where life would have led me. I think of all I could have missed, good and bad, and where I may have landed. Things would be drastically different, I'm sure - and I don't wish for that at all, despite everything that keeps me awake at night.
Adam affectionately calls me his little Grumpo, but for the past month or so I could have accurately been called Crazy Sobbing Disaster in Sweatpants. The past few weeks have been HARD. Like, crying for four days straight hard, and getting-out-of-bed-is-WAY-too-much-to-handle kind of hard. In tears because that puppy looked at me hard. Aching from my head to my toes, lungs tightening, heart pounding hard. It sucked. I know it sucked for Adam, too.
The details are unnecessary, but can be summed up with the words family, money, self worth, trapped, scared, and overwhelmed. Emphasis on the last one. And maybe the first.
But this week, finally, things have really started to look up. I've been interviewing for some awesome new jobs, spending time with my amazing loved ones, and finally letting a bit of the pressure slide off of me. Feeling better about myself. Taking the time for a long summer evening's walk, and getting into bed early with a good book. Sipping a cold drink on a patio with my love. I feel lighter, and freer, and hopeful again. Instead of feeling useless and trapped, I am able to look around and see all that I have and everything I have done. I'm pretty accomplished for 25. It didn't feel that way last week, but it's true - I've done a lot, and I will keep on going. There is so much to do, and I see myself making things happen.
Yesterday, I had an awesome time at a media event (though currently unemployed - err, "freelancing only" - I managed to score an invite). It was a 'Name That Tune' competition to raise money for charity, and I enjoyed myself more than I had in weeks. Afterward, I set out a towel along the harbour front, and soaked up the sun while boats sailed by in slow motion. It was beautiful, and even the drunk old man puking in the bushes beside me couldn't ruin the peace I felt.
It was nice. I felt better.
Happiness doesn't always come easily. But I'm a fighter, my hope is back, and I'm getting there.
The night starts off innocently enough.
A cheese tray, some calamari, and a few drinks on a terrace...
Upstairs in the hotel room, pink decorations set the mood and food/drink is plentiful
The room done up already, they move on to decorating me
And then there is champagne - in bottles, in cans, on the hotel room floor.
Down the elevator and into a cab we go, on to a mystery location
At first it's this...him...and then her:
And then more, and more, and OMG.
And then, of course, we dance.
lovelovelove. The End.
I've been a fan of this magical goop for years - countless salons use it, and I love the way it makes my hair soft, shiny, and frizz-free. Also: the smell is amazing, which is high on my list of qualities in a beauty product.
Summer days. We depart from the cottage with my cousins in tow, and spot a deer on the road as we head out - a sign, obviously, of a beautiful day to come.
That afternoon, at the park - "Santa's Summer Home" - the kids fed Reindeer as Adam looks on. My heart swells. They all make me smile.
Swan rides for all, some mini putt, carnival games, and a train through the park. A new eco display that they like best of all, and a water park that I enjoy most. Ice cream? No, the kids decide on candy instead. She sings songs the whole ride home; he plays cool and then joins in.
The next day, more sunshine. A book on the dock, ice cream in the boat. He paddle surfs, I swim. Later that weekend, him: "Babe, can you put some moisturizer on my shoulders? They're a bit sunburned."
Thanks for a lovely weekend, friends.
$90 at Aldo, totally re-wearable, wicked 4 inch heels - exactly what we had in mind. And one more thing I can check off my to do list!
